Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
