Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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