VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
