Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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