3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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