you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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