i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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