..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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