Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize