Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
