I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
