I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
