she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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