but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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