If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
