Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
