You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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