you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
