I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
whose parrot is this?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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