what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
