I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
