she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the day after is always just damage control
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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