your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
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you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
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Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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