NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
