Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
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Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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