OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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