I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Never underestimate the power of titties
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
