my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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