i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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