no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
