I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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