I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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