How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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