Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
