whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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