they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
