By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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