What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
