found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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