Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
