Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
