I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
