how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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