He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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