You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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