you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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