It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
