I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
