I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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