i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
