I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize