pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
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