I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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