no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
