I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
