Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
