Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
