I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
