I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
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Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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